Hello from Tallinn

So, who knew Skype was Estonian?

Well, after a lonely week in Helsinki, I walked off the boat into Estonia (country number ten) to find poor wee Yvonne all alone in the carpark where Ally had left her a week before. Some kind vandals had written on her back. I don’t know what it says but I like it. I once thought it’d be cool to get a tattoo in every city I walk to (but my agent wouldn’t be too chuffed with that) so it’s nice that perhaps Yvonne can arrive back in Edinburgh with a wee momento of each nation. That night I realised that I was quite nervous. I was no longer in Scandinavia, I was alone in the Baltics and I knew nothing about the country I was about to walk through. At around 1am, I heard someone walking around the van trying all the doors. This did not relax me…

Next morning, the solitude ended when I went back to the port to welcome our newest member of the Road to Change team, the Stig! Linus Stig Akerlind had responded to our Ad looking for volunteer drivers. Amazingly, of all the places in the world, I happened to be in his wee Swedish town the day he found us online, so we met for coffee and I tried to explain what he was getting himself in for…Stig is the perfect addition to the project. He’s young, enthusiastic, has no financial commitments back home and although I was only expecting him to follow me in Yvonne for a few weeks, he assures me he want to be on board all the way back to Edinburgh (In February 2015!) Happy daze. He’s like a big Swedish angel (which he might well be) He’d been in Yvonne for ten minutes when I broke the news that she wasn’t starting and, as I had to head off to my first meeting, it was up to him to figure out how to fix it. Joining the Road to Change usually means jumping in at the deep end. Despite only speaking English and Swedish, Stig found a hotel and managed to get them to call out a local garage and even bartered the mechanic down to thirty euro…Truly the right man for the job :)

Again, thanks to the wonderful support of the British Embassy, my week has been non-stop, meeting press, government departments and child protection organisations. It began with a visit to the office that runs the Estonian SOS Children’s Villages, a form of alternative living for children that’s kinda between foster care and an orphanage. The ‘Villages’ are a collection of houses, not isolated lofty buildings but regular houses spread among neighbourhood to help the young people integrate with their communities. These homes are apparently orientated more like a family than traditional orphanages, as their principle staff member is called ‘the mother’. I was accompanied to this meeting by the Director of the British council in Tallinn, Ursula Roosmaa. I assumed she was to act as my translator but in fact everyone’s English was very good. More info on my visit can be found on their website (in Estonian) http://www.sos-lastekyla.ee/0-tolerants-laste-vaarkohtlemise-vastu/

Next, I visited Tallinn’s Child and Family Centre, which has around 25 staff who reach up to 5000 families a year (in the Tallinn area) I was this time joined by a member of the British Embassy staff for translating but again it was not required. Their centre is a huge renovated house on a long street with many similar giant houses. Some had also been beautifully restore but not all. The stark contrast between reworked buildings and the dilapidated ones next door was almost surreal. Anyway, I met with two child psychologists who spoke quite emotionally about the many children they encounter. They showed me a clay box and water pool which are used to observe how young children play. By observing how and what the children choose to create with the clay and water, these specialists are able to diagnose (without invasive interrogation) what the child’s needs are, in relation to their recovery from trauma. Sadly though, even once this is understood, they told me that the after care is not always in place. They can explain to the child’s parents or guardians what the child requires but this does not necessarily mean the child will receive it. I gathered how frustrating and upsetting this is for the hardworking compassionate staff. They address many social issues, not just child sexual abuse, and they said that if a sexual abuse specialist was trained in Estonia that this person would have very little to do. I understand this is because of the relatively small number of cases that are reported and not the actual prevalence of sexual abuse in the country. Apparently 20 cases were reported last year, and 27 this year. That doesn’t mean it happened more this year, it tells us their public’s willingness to report sexual abuse is slowly increasing.

Ursula then took Stig and I on a guided tour of the adorable old town of Tallinn. It kind of reminds me of Edinburgh with its tiny steep closes and fourteenth century buildings. It boasts the world’s oldest apothecary, which has been in business in the same premises for nearly eight centuries. I gathered that even as the Director of the British council, Ursula is very proud of her city and Estonian heritage. As well she should be, Tallinn is gorgeous. Like many smaller countries in Europe, Estonia has been occupied by a number of different nations. Most recently, the Soviet era which ended only two decades ago. There are still a significant Russian speaking population in Estonia and to some extent the sensibility of that time is partly present in the minds of the older generation. This said, Estonia is EU. It is also in the Eurozone and is making huge fast advances in many ways. Simple things like phone coverage or wifi are far better here than in other parts of EU like Germany or France, I’ll admit this surprised me.

Besides meeting organisations, a major part of Road to Change’s goal is to raise awareness of child sexual abuse to encourage prevention and healing. This week I’ve been speaking out on all mediums, TV, Radio and newspapers. For radio, a Russian actor spoke over me, translating what I was saying. A friend in Washington (who translates Russian documents for the US government) said he was amazed to hear this issues actually being talked about in Russian. The newspaper journalist also said that I was the first man she’d ever met who said he has been sexually abused. I like to think that Estonian Male survivors (and also the female survivors) might have felt some kind of perceptional change when they saw me on TV this week saying ‘I was regularly sexually abused by my uncle’. This might seem insignificant in the UK but could be transformative for some individuals here.

The TV crew turned up when I was in a meeting with Estonian Union of Child Welfare. I don’t just go around meeting all these organisations for fun, I represent Stop the Silence: Stop Child Sexual Abuse, Inc (an international organisation) and so on behalf of our founder and CE0 Dr Pamela Pine, I look for opportunities for collaboration that will benefit the children and survivors wherever I am. I learned about many of the wonderful programs that the Child Welfare currently have that reach thousands of children across the Estonia. There was one new programme which focused on internet safety that reached around eighteen thousand young teens. Another was a very comprehensive box of puppets and story books that teachers share with the kids to help them learn to respect each other and communicate well. All excellent materials but I wasn’t seeing any specific education for young children which would teach them how to protect themselves from (or what to do if they are a victim of) sexual abuse. Dr Pine was in fact involved in the creation of Jill Starishevsky’s revolutionary children’s book ‘My body belongs to me’ which was featured on Oprah Winfrey’s show and is currently used extensively across the US to teach very young kids personal safety. Child Welfare said that if such a book existed in Estonian they would be keen to have it included in their materials and could have it spread very easily through their current networks to reach kids across the country. Interesting…

Next stop wasn’t the British Embassy but the Ambassador’s actual residence as he had invited Stig and I for dinner. I feel slightly anxious reporting these events. I don’t want the kind folk who donate their hard-earned cash to the Road to Change to think their money is just being used to send me to fancy dinners and to be on TV. Believe me, these experiences are pleasant but for the most part I am walking for hours in the rain meeting no one but angry dogs.…HMA Chris Holtby had also invited Ursula Roosmaa and Margit Sarv, Senior Advisor to the Estonian Chancellor of Justice. As expected, it was an extraordinary meal. Five exquisite course, ER insignia cutlery, served by two very formal waiting staff who moved in perfect synchronicity as they cleared the table or poured the wine. It was during the delightful fish course that we discovered Stig is fatally allergic to seafood. He had been so nervous about offending the Ambassador that it wasn’t until his throat became instantly itchy that he decided to let us know that he might die if he continues. Bless him…I was scheduled to meet with Ms Sarv the following day but this semi-informal encounter was the perfect opportunity to tell her about the walk so far and what my hopes were for the Road to Change. When I explained about my meeting with Estonian Union of Child Welfare and the current lack of such a resource as ‘My body belongs to me’, the Ambassador said that the British Embassy in Tallinn had recently sourced the money to have a book about bullying translated from Finnish. He then very kindly volunteered to have the Embassy find the means to translate ‘My body…’ into Estonian. Happy daze. More follow up talk has to now happen to ensure this new Estonian version comes to fruition but as all parties involved are keen to have it used to reach and teach personal safety to kids across the country, I was pleased that we can add this to the list of actual ‘Change’ instigated by the Road to Change.

When he realised that Sitg and I were planning on going back to our carpark and sleeping in the rickety van parked outside (that was currently lowering the tone of the neighbourhood) the Ambassador immediately invited Stig and I to spend the night. I was given a guest room while Stig would be out in the summer house. We were so grateful to have a whole room each (that didn’t even have wheels) AND a real bed, each, with an actual shower! Hot water and clean towels and everything :D I think Stig’s head was spinning, from the wine or the none-stop week (or maybe from the close call with the seafood) so he went straight to bed but then the Ambassador offered me a wee night cap and who would I be to refuse? I think we ‘sampled’ the rest of one malt and made a good start on another. At around three in the morning, I realised it was time to stop stopping the silence for one night, so I stood up to wish the Ambassador good night and thank him for his wonderful support and hospitality. Now, when I arrived (Sober) many hours before, I said, ‘Your Excellency, we are deeply honoured to be invited to your beautiful home’ but here in the whisky haze of 3am I recall hearing myself say ‘Right, cheers dude, this was pure magic’.

The next morning, more meetings. I met representatives from the Ministry of Justice and the Ministry of Families. These meetings are a golden opportunity to discuss change and I am honoured that such high level personnel actually give me their time and attention. I’ll be honest, usually have a kind of outer body experience in these government meetings. I seem to be listening to myself talk as if there’s another me standing in the corner. Sometimes shaking my head thinking ‘Shut up and go back to Cbeebies!’ or nodding along, pleased that I at least sound like I know what I’m talking about. I am always amazed when foreign governments not only listen but are intrigued by the information I’ve come to share. I focus on the Statute of Limitations, and my journey so far has afforded me the opportunity to observe the situation of this law in each nation. How it can inhibit justice for survivors and literally endanger children. The Ministry of Justice rep asked me ‘Which countries has reformed this law?’ and ‘Which countries have the same as limitation as Estonia?’ I was amazed that I was able to answer these questions, but I did. I was able to tell them about victims I’ve met in the EU who are trying to make children safer but can’t. Like Robi Fleming, a survivor from Luxembourg who cannot press charges despite his wealth of evidence due to the Luxembourgish Limitation (28 years old, 10 years after the age of 18) which is the same as Estonia. The man who repeated molested Robi cannot currently be arrested and is still believed to be in contact with children. (Please visit and LIKE Robi’s online campaign page https://www.facebook.com/BringLeslieWoodhallToJustice for more information) I found survivors in similar predicaments in Denmark and Sweden. The representatives wrote down everything I was telling them and I left the meeting with the distinct feeling that much further discussion was about to commence, on the matter of reviewing the current Estonian Limitation.

No time to rest, back up the hill for the meeting of the Child’s Ombudsman at the office of the Chancellor of Justice. I met Ms Sarv again and two other advisors, I brought Stig along to see how it all works and was accompanied again by a representative from the British Embassy. We discussed many of the same issues around the Limitation which again received genuine concern from all those present. Part of the job of the Ombudsman is to identify laws which need review and in light of new research into the neurological impact and subsequent life-lasting impact of sexual abuse in childhood, the advisors also seemed keen to take all these matter is to further serious discussion. They grilled me for nearly an hour but I think I answered their questions satisfactorily. They seemed to need assurance that removing the limitation wont encourage people to make false reports. I understand this concern, as false reports create a devastating mess that isn’t easily cleaned up, but with 100,000,000 actual victims in Europe and perhaps a handful of individuals who might wish to waste police and courts time with fabricated allegations, are we seriously going to inhibit the opportunity of justice for hundreds of millions just to avoid having to deal with the possibility of a relatively minute number of malicious individuals. I am encouraging people to tell the truth, not lie. Any case will rely on evidence, its hard enough to find enough for real cases let alone fictional ones. Making false reports is illegal anyway, I don’t believe removing the Statute of Limitations will simply encourage illegal behaviour.

Sorry for long blog but its been a busy week…Tomorrow I meet the Ambassador Chris Hotly once more as he joins me on the walk as I set off for Riga, Latvia. Stig’s first experience of life on the Road.

I was initially nervous but really, after this week I sense that Change feels immanent here. I think I’m going to miss Estonia…

Thanks for reading,

Matty x

Road to Change on…

Estonian TV
Estonian Press
Estonian Radio